Hati ana tiada perasaan.. seperti yang dinyatakan di atas, tenang tapi hairan.. dengan masalah peribadi yang biasanya akan merobek hati dan menghilangkan fokus ke arah bende2 lain, ditambah dengan jasad yang rasa feverish, sometimes throbbing headache, batuk yang productive and painful, dan hampir senantiasa rasa fatigue walaupun dah banyak berehat dan lecture notes yang banyak giler (i repeat, banyak sangat!) tapi hati tak da mood nak study and I'm feeling sangat selamba and worry-free padahal exam bermula jumaat ni (orang lain semua gelabah sampai kecut perut). With my current state, Im sure to fail my exams. But despite all that, I am emotionless - nothing - nada.... Is this a test from Allah? Have I become less human? Or am I extremely stressed out till I dont 'feel' anymore? I am a patient person, I really am. I have the ability to calm myself down, even in difficult situation. But is this (what I am feeling now, or to be more precise, what I am not feeling now) due to the abilities that I mentioned, or is it due to extreme stress? Frankly, I dont know...
Oh, Allah. I may look strong, but I am desperately in need of strength and determination from You, O the Most Gracious One.. I beg You to show me Your path. I believe whole-heartedly that if You have destined anything for me, it will be mine, eventhough the whole world is against it, and I do believe whole-heartedly that if its not destined to be mine, it will slip away from my hands eventhough it looks definite or very promising. To You I surrender, and to You I beg for mercy.
To you, my promises are true.
Yang dah cuba 3 kali yesterday,
p/s: sangat suka entry terbaru http://www.najibnaili.com entitled 'penat sangat'.
Setelah solat tadi, barulah ana sedar... I do feel the feelings that I should have felt. Yes, my mind is indeed occupied by the problems that I'm having. But, I try to be in denial and try to focus on what I should prioritize. Its difficult though, but I'm doing this (trying to be in denial) because because of the problem itself. I must perform in my exams. I must be excellent. I must show that I am competent and reliable..... If it can be settled as soon as possible, it would be much better... And yea, I am worried that I still have lots to read, but I am calm because I know Allah is with me. And I know, that Allah wants me to try as hard as I could, then seek for his help. But I bow to Him, even before I try, because I need strength, determination and focus from Him. However, I do feel emotionless on my current health status, because I know, this is just a test from Allah. Sakit menghilangkan dosa2 kecil.
Subhanallah, benarlah kata2 Allah. Solat itu menenangkan kita, hiburan buat yang bertaqwa. Mintalah pertolongan dariNya dengan sabar dan solat.
Alhamdulillah, I'm back on my feet and to you, again, my promises are true